the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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