i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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