Screwed.edu
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
false alarm, still single
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
