could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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