Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
