this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
