we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
