I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
