There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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