hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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