I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I love you. Go after that dick
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
