Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
