Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
