The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
