i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize