what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
