I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
