I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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