And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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