went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
