so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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