This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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