She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
