he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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