Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize