i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
