Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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