i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
