You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize