it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
