I wish I only lived at night.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
