You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and she was petting her beer can
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Im part way to drunk.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
