Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
