he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
