What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
