Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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