The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
