You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize