This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
