I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
