Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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