Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize