did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
