Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
