Heybabeimwearingurpanties
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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