two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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