I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
