oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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