A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
