you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
