guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
