There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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