I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
