you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize