he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
