I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
