How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
