Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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