I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize