He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
