you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
