do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
