True but thats because hes a fetus.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
