I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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