I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
