Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
