mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
