theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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