Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
