you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
