hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
