I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
