Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
